I slowly open the door to my boys bed room,
The dim glow of their nightlight illuminates on their sweet sleeping faces.
Their eyelids flutter ever so subtly,
I wonder what they are dreaming about?
What pictures their imaginations paint.
They look so peaceful, like tiny cherubs.
My heart aches a little as I think about how quickly my babies are turning into tiny little men,
I wish they could stay little forever.
I know that’s stupid,
But I really do.
Recently, I read a blog about a mom having the sex talk with her seven year old daughter.
It wasn’t really like a planned thing,
It was just a series of events that came up in her life and her daughter asking questions about it.
Typical curious seven year old.
It wasn’t the fact that the little girl was asking questions that bothered me, that is normal for kids to wonder about new things.
It was the answers the little girl was given.
Telling your seven year old about using condoms if you want to have sex for fun, but don’t want to get pregnant just seems so…inappropriate.
When I was seven, I was playing with barbies and my dollhouse, the thought of sex never once crossed my mind.
I had no idea what sex was, I was to busy being a kid.
Granted, it’s fifteen years later and a lot of things with our culture have changed.
Sex is pretty much everywhere now.
But as I look at my little boys, mischievous little angels that they are, I wonder how much longer they have before their innocence melts away.
How much longer do I have before they start asking me about sex and condoms and all the other grown-up things that no small child should ever know exists?
I dread the thought.
But is it actually realistic for me to think I can protect them?
My parents thought they could.
They sheltered us from everything,
We weren’t allowed to watch any Disney movies with any type of magic,
Nothing rated above PG-13 until I was actually thirteen.
Absolutely nothing with sex or a reference to it.
That was a good thing,
I admire them for taking a firm stand and making such an effort.
But as I got older,
I was still blissfully ignorant of the realities and dangers of sex.
My parents never had the sex talk with me,
So since google wasnt at the fingertips of every preteen at the time,
I got my info from conversations with misinformed friends.
As a result, at thirteen I found myself in some uncomfortable and unwanted situations.
At fifteen I was pregnant.
My mom felt that getting me birth control would be giving me her stamp of approval,
And today, as a parent I really do understand her point of view.
But what she thought would stop me,
Only made me take a gamble,
And that gamble led me straight to the motherhood express lane.
Please don’t get me wrong,
My babies are the best thing that ever happened to me,
And I love them more than anything in this world,
But being a parent at sixteen is not something I want for my kids.
Problem is, I don’t really know that there truly is a way to stop it.
I believe with kids,
You can teach them all you want about morals and values and right and wrong,
You can instill in them everything you feel will help make them people of integrity.
But there reaches a certain point when they have to start making their own decisions,
And they will,
Behind your back if they have to.
I snuck around, lied and made all kinds of bad decisions because what I wanted to do was whatever I wanted.
I didn’t tell my parents the truth because I felt the truth would hurt them,
I knew it didn’t measure up to their standards or line up with their point of view,
So I just hoped they wouldn’t find out that I wasn’t the kind of girl they wanted me to be.
I don’t want my kids to feel that way.
I want them to trust me,
I want them to confide in me and seek my advice and input.
But what about when they make choices I don’t agree with?
What happens then?
I honestly have no idea.
My darling oldest son begins kindergarden next year,
He is so excited.
I am too,
But the tiniest part of me is dreading it.
I don’t want him to grow up,
I’m afraid of who he will become.
He is such a good boy,
But sometimes I fear the worst.
And I fear the same mistakes that were made by those before me will be repeated by me.
I’m afraid that all the flaws I am so painfully aware of in myself,
Will be mimicked by him.
So I sit here in the dark,
Searching my soul and wondering what is better,
Keeping your kids in a bubble,
Or exposing them to the elements and hoping they survive it?
I don’t know.
I really don’t.
I just pray I have a few more years to figure it all out,
Before I have to explain what sex is.