When we look at our lives what do we see?
Are we happy or disappointed?
Satisfied or lacking?
I know that I tend to view my life in the future tense.
I’m constantly looking ahead, thinking ahead,
My focus is usually on what we will be doing a few days,
Weeks or a few months down the road.
I get excited about my preschooler starting kindergarden next fall,
About my three year old learning his letters,
About my infant being potty trained, walking and talking.
I get excited about us buying a house,
My husband getting his degree and being done with college.
All of these things are good,
It’s important to have goals, and dreams and ambitions.
But I have found especially in my own life,
I have a hard time stopping and really enjoying the moment in front of me.
I have a hard time taking a step back and embracing the joy of the present.
And in constantly moving and cleaning and cooking and organizing and planning,
I miss out on a lot of blessings I have been given.
The scents and flavors of a warm meal that I rarely sit down to enjoy with my family,
Because even as I stand in the kitchen hurriedly eating the contents of my plate my mind is already thinking about the laundry that needs to be put away and the dishes that need to be washed.
I have a tendency to beat myself up when my little check list doesn’t get finished,
It makes me feel like I failed.
It makes me feel like somehow the day was not a good day,
Because I still have all these tasks leering at me.
My children are growing up so fast,
And yet I feel like even as it saddens me how quickly their childhood goes by,
I am still constantly jumping to the next stage, wishing and wanting and waiting.
I have myself convinced that once we reach this next chapter in our lives things will be easier,
Things will go more smoothly,
And by then I will have it all together.
If I could just make it through this day,
This week and month and season,
That life will finally be great.
But you know what?
That is the farthest thing from the truth.
If I never learn to appreciate what is in front of me,
If I never really learn the lessons that God is trying to teach me,
How can I ever expect to find fulfillment?
When I get to that new place and new season,
I will still be looking ahead to the next part,
Anxiously awaiting it’s arrival and missing everything in between.
What makes a story great?
Is it the beginning?
Is it the end?
No, it’s everything in between that builds the character,
The growth that you see and adventures that unfold.
I think life is a lot like that.
If we simply “get through” all the mundane and difficult things,
Instead of cherishing them for the building blocks that they are,
We will never really be able to enjoy the end result.
We all go through hard times,
Some much more than others.
We all have a journey that makes us the person we are,
And I want the person I am becoming to be someone that I am proud of.
I don’t want to be this stressed out, frazzled and unhappy woman.
I want to learn how to find contentment wherever I find myself in life.
I know the only way to do that,
Is to learn to trust wholeheartedly in God.
To trust that he has a plan,
That his hand is at work even when I can’t see or feel it.
That there is a plan being orchestrated silently, and flawlessly.
No matter where I am today,
I will get to wherever I’m meant to be,
Whenever I get there.
Sitting back and enjoying the ride has never really been my forte,
But I’m learning,
Always and forever I am learning.