Teardrops

The darkness envelopes me as I lay here alone and unsure.
My heart aches from all the harsh words and frustration,
Is that really how you feel?
Where have the good times gone?
Where has your smile drifted off to?
Remember when we were happy,
When we were doing so much more than surviving?
When you sit five feet away from me,
It may as well be a million miles.
Your eyes are distant and lost,
Like you would rather be anywhere but here.
And some days I just feel like I’m drowning,
In my tears, and loneliness.
I feel like no matter how hard I fight,
This rip tide keeps pulling me under.
And I wonder who would miss me,
If my pain swallowed me up.
And I wonder if all those things you said,
Would still matter even then.
I wonder if thats how your heart feels,
Or if its just easier to aim anger towards me.
They say that God counts my tears,
I wonder where the tally lies.
They all feel so painful and pointless,
Every time that they multiply.
I feel empty,
Like the life has literally been drained from me.
So exhausted,
So unhappy,
So disappointed with myself.
I’m not the woman I thought I would be,
And every day just brings a new let down.
All the things I couldn’t do.
All the ways I let myself fall.
Where have the good times gone to?
The days when you looked at me,
And I could see it,
And feel it,
And just know,
How deep your love ran for me.
You don’t look at me that way anymore,
Sometimes its like you don’t even see me.
In a house full of people I find myself,
Overcome with loneliness.
It seems so hard to keep smiling,
When everyday leads to another disappointment.
It seems far too often I let you down,
And I don’t always know exactly why,
But it shows all over your demeanor.
Maybe what was said is the truth,
And I just didn’t want to see it.
Maybe I’m just too stupid to admit,
That I have failed,
And I don’t know how to fix it.